I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
