guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
