Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
