I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
