I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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