Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize