come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
