1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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