Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
