Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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