A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
