You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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