They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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