you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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