you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
