I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
