The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
