The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
