I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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