she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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