sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize