Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i will never coherently bang her
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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