why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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