Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
