He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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