Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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