I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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