Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
