What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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