She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
