Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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