I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
