I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
