And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
