I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
