There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
