im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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