I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
