It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
