Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
