Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
