Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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