like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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