Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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