Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
