I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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