does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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