Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I smell stomach acid.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
