Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
