There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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