i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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