don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize