Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
