Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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