Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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