I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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