I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting