my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there