remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
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So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup