Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I am one with the molecules
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie