I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
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he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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