Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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