I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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