So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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