Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I am available for nakedness
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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