Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
