I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Are my feet made of real feet?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
