the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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